(Warning: Adult orientated content)
We all know that one person at parties who is the centre of attention, they light up the room with their presence. If you want to be an Adonis or Venus with all the classical endowment of a marble statue designed by a german sausage maker, then this is not the blog post for you.
This blog post will help you find interesting literary tidbits to share with your friends, so that you can actually have a coherent conversation with people your own age. Yay!
Brush up your Shakespeare
The odd quote from the bard can lend a touch of class to any conversation. If you’re at a party and drop a line or two, people will think you an educated and well informed party-goer. So pick yourself some great lines and bust them out around your favourite people.
Be warned, more than a pithy quip or two and you may find yourself labelled as an insufferable wanker with all of appeal of an Adam Sandler Netflix movie.
Do: Choose your quote wisely. A little less ‘My salad days, when I was green in judgement’ a little more ‘That which hath made them drunk hath made me bold’.
Don’t: Rock up in tights and start yelling ‘a plague o` both your houses’.
The classical world is so now
We all have that one friend/enemy/twat that came along because their mother needed to clean the basement. You know the one, always has to be right, never shuts up about how smart they are, writes smarmy blog posts for their publishing company. You can defeat them and their ‘in 10 minutes’, YouTube heavy education with actual facts that you actually read, in a book!
Read far enough back and you will inevitably find that this type of person has always been around, telling you things you already know. So grab that dusty copy of Thucydides from Grandpa’s shelf and get your classics on.
Do: Talk about the artistic and philosophical wonders of the ancient world
Don’t: Mention the fact that most people died of stabbing, nailing or dysentery
I’ve been meaning to check that out
You are an interesting person and your reading habits are interesting. People should know if you are reading the latest Tim Winton, Kate Forsyth or Grug. You should tell them and you should tell them at parties, with glowing reviews!
Seriously as a rule it is best to wait until you find something that is a bit more unique than the latest half baked, top ten, snooze fest. But when you do find a rare gem you should let people know, or just open up a copy of Grug.
Do: Talk about your latest great find that is not on the top ten bestsellers
Don’t: Continually bang on about Harry Potter for ten years
Adapt to survive
We live in an age of adaptation from the timeless renderings of Jane Austen wet tshirt contests to the languid poetry of the Stan Lee’s Marvel universe. Like a beautiful butterfly in a glass case, adaptations take the uniqueness of an original work and staple them to the back of a tacky box for public display…
It frustrates the hell out of fans of the books and introduces non-fans to works they thought were to boring to read. A perfect recipe for a party conversation!
Do: Talk about the original book and how you love it
Don’t: Give everyone an hour long lecture on how much better the book is and call everyone in the room a miserable cretin for only watching the theatrical release
Sexy moves from sexy books
The erotic novel is a modern literary staple. Thanks to the introduction of large print and irresponsible parenting all ages can now grab a copy of their latest Harlequin and while the night away. Yes everyone from 7-77 can get their fill of an exotic variety of overbearing alpha males whose shenanigans, in the real world, would end with them being slapped with a myriad of harassment suits or assault charges.
The erotic novel is no longer just the realm of 45 year old serial divorcees or 16 year old serial masturbators. The erotic novel is putting its best foot forward in a library, carpark or bus station near you. So why not discuss it!
Do: Tell Brad about that one amazing chapter, you know the one, you saucy minx
Don’t: Tell the entire room, seriously Linda, we did not need to hear that
A little book talk can go a long way, it may not make you an object of desire, but it might just keep people interested enough in your company to invite you again!